GagDragon

Posts Tagged ‘past lives’

Karl “The Seer” Jenkins

Born 1957 in the Tremont section of the Bronx

When Karl was born people always said there was something different about him.  His grandmother, an old voodoo woman from New Orleans who relocated to NYC in hopes of a better life for her family often said he had the gift.  When Karl was in he was said to have seen the assassination of President Kennedy almost a year before it happened.  As time went on Karl struggled with his gift, he was always looking for the next big vision, but was cursed to only see mundane everyday events like “I see you eating a hotdog and drinking a coca-cola.”  Years later Karl became a born again christian and confessed that the only reason he saw Kennedy’s death was because he was looking into Abraham Zapruta’s future and sawing him “filming some shit” it just happened to be Kennedy’s death.

shamus “shame shame shame” shamus

edinburg, scotland. born 1999

as a ten year old diorama prodigy, shamus shamus brought his tiny enclave just outside edinburg major media attention when after completing award winning dioramas depicting major world events he was asked to try something less serious. his siege of the alamo diorama, signing of the declaration of independence diorama and his tribute to william wallace diorama were all featured on Don’tcha Know I’m Scootish a local tv access program, and when he unveiled his “less serious” diorama, the entire community was shocked to see that rather than a clown blowing up balloons or a puppy chewing a shoe, he chose to do a diorama of aretha franklin singing “chain of fools”.

frank “knit” mcdevitt

gary, indiana – born 1919

frank was a track star whose family was quite poor. to raise extra money he would jump over things at events for tips and free meals. in 1927 just after graduating high school with a full ride scholarship to Indiana University for track and field, frank was the entertainment at the Ft. Wayne Quilt Fest and as he high jumped over a 8 foot tall quilt made by a lovely miss sandy beckinsin of the indianapolis beckinsin’s, frank blindly leaped onto a display table mistakenly set up ontop of his down landing pillow by the farmhand Lurvy from the Jones Hog Farm. This display table was set up with 78 different types of hook needles meant for “speed knitting”.
Three of the needles severed his spine and “knit” then spent the rest of his days knitting boys track and field inspired quilts and handkerchiefs from a wheelchair made of donated copper pipe.

Clint “ragtime” portifino

Born 1927 in Skoki, IL

Clint spent the better part of his youth in and out of detention centers.  He had an affinity for sexual assault.  The sentences might have been a bit steep since most of the charges stemmed from him laying naked next to girls and crying until they touched his junk.  In 1946 he had his reeses peanut butter cup chocolate and peanut butter moment when he poured a bit of chloroform on a rag and started knocking these women out, and leaving before they woke up.  The CIA caught wind of his ingenuity and brough him on board to take down suspected spies without a struggle.  After 14 years with the agency he was given a merit award and his new nickname Ragman

William “Ordinary Bill” Cartoff

Born 1963 in Hattiesburg, MS

William was average in every way and was one of two Williams in his high school class.  His above average, averageness got him the nickname Ordinary Bill.  The other William was called William “Negra Bill” Hawkings