GagDragon

so wifeys about to get back to work finally after having been on bedrest from skanksgiving until the birth of the monsters in january and followed up by a nice maternity leave (6 paychecks worth of no paychecks YAY!). we wanted to award our 2 year old with a little mommy/daddy time by taking just him out to the zoo for some giggles and LOOKIT!’s.

we went this past thursday to chicago’s brookfield zoo. beautiful day. huge rhinoceros balls. you name it. it was bad ass.

but i noticed something that maybe alot of my guy friends dont realize when i say “we’re at the zoo dude”.

they think “ah shit, that sucks.” and it might, had i not had sunglasses on.

see, the zoo is where moms take their kids when theyre still in strollers. when moms are comfortable taking their kids out in a stroller, it means theyre becoming more comfortable with their bodies after childbirth.

which means theyre pushing their wardrobe to the limit.

i cannot tell you how many luscious mammaries were flaunted in front of me at the seal & sea lion tank, how many flowing white skirts jiggled in front of me on the way into the Swamp exhibit, how many tanned shoulders and breasticle crevasses cooed in my direction outside the lemur encasement. if you were wondering, lemurs are cute. which means that mommies get low with their hands on their knees and point, causing an erotic show of scrunch and release which to my non-sex-having-ass was pure delight.

so im recommending the zoo with sunglasses on to all of my friends who just had kids and their wives are still moody all the time. you can stare and oogle the sights without getting slapped by your wifey figure.

there is nothing wrong with being a creep, so long as you keep your inner creep bottled up where you cant offend anyone, be a poor role model to your kids or get arrested.

long live the creeps.