GagDragon

my band, having all met at a local community college’s business program, took to math rock like a horse to hay and soon we were creating time signatures that made Rush sound elementary. one weekend, while playing with the group +n to x, our drummer, we refer to him as Professor Pickle Tickler, went so deep into his own brain that he returned speaking only in binary code. He then spent his remaining years of sanity using our songs to prove deep financial theorems, and we can thank Prof. Pickle Tickler for Trickle Down Economics, which were, at first, referred to as Pickle Tickle Trickle Down Economics.

my band, during last years “Greater St. Paul area Machismo-off” Donned nothing but a loin cloth made from the pelt of an unbaptised christian baby while eating “Docter Mortimor Willowspeak’s famous 6 alarm chili”.  we lost to the Mitchelton Panthers JV football team, who in all fairness just finished the season with a one game over 500 record.

my band isnt vegan, but on our rider it specifically states that we only be served vegan foods. the only reason this is so is because we so enjoy the look on promoters’ faces when we take a bite of something, then spit it out and say disgustedly: “what the fuck is this horsecaca? vegan food?”

our header gives pleasure,

thank you.

if one plays the keys, there must be a minimum of 4 keyboards set up on stage, regardless of how much the others are used. anything less and you’re abba

pyrotechnics must be legally sanctioned in the city in which they are being used, or insurance companies must be a majority sponsor