GagDragon

yesterday i had a wart surgically removed from the bottom of my foot. his name was reggie and im going to miss scraping him on the coffee table to annoy my wife. i cant walk very well today, which is weird cause the real Reggie cant walk really well in real life either since the state awarded him that Rascal moving chair. the circle of life indeed huh reggie?

so the healthcare thing passed, which means that eventually, i will be either out of a job or i will have to fire more people to do more work for even less money.
which got me thinking about how people are entirely too reliant on other people to fix their shit. im not talking calling your neighbor to go take a look when you’re at work and your wife is flipping out about a piece of your roof blowing off (TRUE STORY! THANKS TO MY NEIGHBOR BRANDON FOR SAVING ME YESTERDAY!). I’m talking about hearing half of a story about “free healthcare”, not caring to research it or pay attention to the progression of its fineprint, just taking it as something that you can add to your list of things that “are owed to me”.
fuck you.
as a dad (with a huuuge penis mind you) i am now in possession of a responsibility to take care of my kids and one of the things that i was taught and will teach them is that medicine can’t always cure what laziness can cause and awareness couldve prevented. taking a pill for fixing something that you brought on yourself with either poor diet, a sedentary lifestyle or just poor decisions is fucked up. not fucked up because you dont deserve to be able to fix yourself up once you’re fucked up, but fucked up in that those people that were fucked up dont do enough to remind the people that aren’t fucked up to NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO GET FUCKED UP FROM THE BEGINNING!

the healthcare debate isnt about people being fucking up, getting fucked up and unfuckingup themselves, its about who’s paying for the services for the people who cant afford to unfuckup themselves and trying to bring down the costs of unfuckingup for those of us who already pay out the ass for health insurance. (take my kid’s recent 6 day hospital stay, which is adding up to $130,000 and they didnt even figure anything out that i couldntve done with an internet connection, some barium, x-ray vision and dry hands from too much hand warshing)

so if the healthcare debate isnt about health, ill fucking tell you how to fucking stay healthy.
TRY MUTHERFUCKER.
TRY TO STAY THE FUCK HEALTHY.
PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR DIET, GO WALKING, CUT DOWN ON SUGAR, CUT DOWN ON FAST FOOD, SMILE, LAUGH, HAVE SEX, PET PUPPIES, READ BOOKS, MASTURBATE IN MOVING VEHICLES AND ON MOUNTAINSIDES, TAKE RISKS, SPEED WALK AT THE MALL LIKE REGGIE, JUST FUCKING DONT TELL ME I HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR SORRY ASS’S UNFUCKUP WHEN IVE BEEN PAYING FOR MY OWN VITAMINS AND VEGETABLES WITHOUT ASKING FOR MONEY FROM YOU.

and as always,

love,
dad

man, this one time me and wifey were comparing schedules to see when we could fit in a hot and sweaty fuck and realized we only had 17 minutes before i had to leave for a meeting and she had to pick up my son & nephew for a tball game.
so i dropped trow and readied myself, she grabbed the lube and i took care of myself while she made sandwiches.

PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANA SAMMIES FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111

i wear womens panties because the are both practical and comfortable

ill admit it, id go down on tom selleck

My boyfriend is like john goodman only not as hot

you heard correctly, im headed to shave my father