GagDragon

everyday, monday through friday, i take the same 2 or 3 ways to work depending on the time i leave the house, if i have to drop off some kids at day care, if i want to take the scenic route, etc.
everyday, monday through friday, i see this same fucking jeep with the 13.1 stickers. not just two or three. im talking every other week this fucking jeep gets a new 13.1 sticker. meaning, the guy that drives this thing is obsessed with people knowing how many kilometers he runs on the reg.
everyday, monday through friday, no matter which way im taking to the pharmacy, this jeep is trying to pass me
everyday, monday through friday, before i had kids, i would challenge this pissant for lane supremacy for no other reason than to shove my position in front of the semi with the manure in his taught and well manicured FACE leaving him to ponder why i have an artichoke sticker on my truck. (WHY DO I HAVE AN ARTICHOKE STICKER ON MY TRUCK? because artichokes are fucking delicious.)
everyday, monday through friday, since ive had kids, ive been off and on with my fuckery and this jagbag. sometimes i fuck with him for the thrill of causing road rage, sometimes i let him pass and make the jack off motion at him from the safety of my truck.

this morning everything changed.

for.
ever.

today is like any other day, except that is fucking gorgeous outside. today is a day where i appreciate everything from my family and friends in real life, to my internet friends, to the tiniest ground squirrel that im pretty sure is burrowed under my concrete stoop in my back yard.

so as im driving to work this morning, windows down, sun roof open, some black keys on the manpod, the sun is shining, the sky is blue as a married man’s balls, the clouds are wispy…
WISPY!

so i see this fucktard creepin on a come up in me rearview. i sees hims.
i notice that my grip on the steerin wheel tightens and i get that feeling in my stomach like i just saw a hot chick in jr high and my skater haircoif is in my eyes.

today im not in a mood to fuck with anyone so i stay at my usual 2 or 3 mph over the speed limit cause i have nowhere i need to be besides work and who gives a fuck if im 5 or 15 minutes early or late?
im in the left lane, approaching a semi in front of me in the right land, when i hear him PFFFFFRRRR up on my right, YANK his jeep into the left lane in front of me barely missing me, step on the gas hard as hell, and accelerate and then YANKING his jeep back in front of the semi
the semi guy with the CB radio, the trucker hat, the mustache, the cigarette and the orange vest (completely fulfilling all of my trucker stereotypes) (im lying, i didnt see him) kind of gets freaked out and slams on his brakes and swerves to the right
im directly on his left and see the little curly q of a cable between the trailer and the truck itself wobble at me in my right window
i speed up to avoid whatevers about to happen and get into the center lane to avoid getting smashed up by the ensuing catastrophe that jagface created with his 13.1 stickered yeep yeep.
the semi is now REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEing with a potential jackknife and all traffic behind me is now braking hard and urched forward on its front wheels.
i quickly cross two lanes of traffic and pull to the right side of the road and take a breather as the scene calms down

this fucking jag bag almost killed an entire population of early morning drivers for no good reason, and the light is fucking red up ahead, the dude is fucking STOPPED and has saved no time but has completely freaked a shitload of people out!

as i pull back onto the road in front of the semi who was driving like 20mph after the whole thing, i see two cops wizz past me with their lights on headed towards assface

the feeling of community with people i dont know was awesome for a few minutes here. we all approached the intersection where the cops had cornered him going about 20 in a 45mph zone.

have you ever seen about 20 cars all flick off some asshole at the same time WHILE there are cops there? im fucking INSPIRED! i want to find more jagbags (without the near fatal collisions) and publicly chastise them too!

the moral of the story?

dont be a fucking asshole when you have nothing to gain but potentially hurting innocent people. and slow the fuck down you fucking assclown, what the fuck is the fucking rush you fuck?

and if you have a 13.1 sticker on your car, your penis is fucking small or your breasts are fucking nonexistent and youre compensating by showing off something that noone fucking cares about, you pickle tickler.

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