gagdragon history
Celebrating the 20th year of our friendship that started when we were admiring each other’s iroc z’s that were parked next to each other in a mall parking structure in Nassau County Long Island.
We locked eyes, did a quick nod, then checked out each other’s ladies. They locked eyes, gave each other the stink eye, then checked each of us out and licked their lips and quickly shot back a look at our ladies. Then we introduced each other by our self-deemed nicknames.
Joel: “Wikky Stick Mick McMickey MickMick”
Tim: “Pizza and Gravy Stan Musiual”
Shortly thereafter we realized we could pool our collective knowledge on the ladies and cologne collections to bang more stank than any other team on the east coast. So we ditched our old ladies and started our quest to be bang champs.
We concocted a recipe consisting of 1 part cool water, 3 parts joop and 2 parts pina colada butt lotion that could fuel our Pontiacs AND make us smell freshy clean clean enough to attract even the most snobbish of fine tail. We went so far as to pierce our wangs with homing beacons and were the first pair of bang men who GPS tracked their previous vag catalog.
Once we couldn’t take new vag anywhere without hearing the familiar SQWAUK! of our tracking devices, we moved west. We’ve moved 7 times in the past 20 years. Whenever we disconnect our directv service they say the same thing: ‘off to find more vag guys?’
Yes, yes we are.
Finally after conquering the entire country, we left for the greener pastures of Greece. It was here that we first started having doubts and wondered if there was more than just banging. Initially we just called each other queers for thinking that way, but eventually we both realized that what a man needs is companionship, and the only companions we had were each other and let’s face it that was just creepy. Needless to say this has cause an uneasy tension that we do not know how to breach, so we often end up fighting over things that shouldn’t matter, but they do….they do Joel
And figuring out our weaknesses and what makes each other tick has been our quest ever since moving to the coastal town of Olivesandohpahfatmenwithbignosesbreakingplates. we have documented our findings in a number of books, including but not limited to “Tim Baker: the man, the myth, the huge wang.” and “Joel Frieders, man of action, action of man, huge wang.” and the bestselling “penis envy, world travel and watching your best friend bang broads in front of you while beating super mario brothers on a classic NES we got from ebay.”
Each of these titles was published from our own publishing house: Wang Wagger Swagger Publications.
They were also published in 47 languages including Klingon. As time went on we started getting a better understanding of who we are and what we need and things started slowly improving until that fateful day at the market when we passed the Pelican Pie Stand which was being manned by the lovely Consuela Van Brandice, and we both instantly fell in love and have both been courting her since.
Tim takes Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays and every other Sunday and Joel takes Wednesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and every other Sunday. We have matched each other’s attempts at gifting our love to Consuela and have both purchased her cars, diamonds, puppies, tattoos, castles, parliament officials, hand blown glass sculptures of our wangs, small Greek islands, inflatable aircraft, hockey teams, dairy farms, potbellied pig skin gloves, and various Americanized candies.
Consuela has done a fabulous job of keeping our gifts straight as well as her dual pregnancies where we each have a babe up in there, and she seems to know which belongs to which, but since they are both boys with huge wangs, it’s sometimes hard to tell.
We have remained cordial for the children, for they will not know the power of their wangs without proper jedi like guidance from their pops, however fights continue like the one on Thanksgiving, continue to plague our friendship:
In addition to our biographies about each other, we have written a few self help books about dating, boning and impregnating the same chick as your best friend and have earned roles as being experts in this ever stressful field. One day we will determine who had the baby mama drama first, but we have both agreed to let bygone sperms be bygone sperms as there is no doubt we have come into contact with each other’s semen at some point, so to bicker about it now is just hooey.
Dr. Phil and Oprah have called us the ambassadors for all things male.
Sara Jessica Parker once referred to us as “the two men who would first utilize my nose for anal stimulation and then convince me to get a nose job AND remove my penis.”
Catherine Zeta Jones said our semen was the key to her youthful glow. When asked what youthful glow she ran off crying and married michael douglas.
Condoleezza Rice said our combined attention to her tooth gap was reason enough her to believe it was indeed sexy. After our third double team when you said “makes for a target” she misheard you and thought you were telling me in Russian “her teeth make me want to bomb a small Bosnian village”.
The only woman to ever survive our patented regal beagle sex position was Madeline Albright who now has been through the process 9 times. 10th time is free.
Andre the giant once walked in on us DPing the lovely lady elizabeth and told macho man randy savage on us, because of how inspiring macho man found our technique, he never pointed with his pointer finger again.
People have called us the three armed men and we have had to register our genetalia as lethal weapons in 4 counties.
We were once pulled over by a canadian mounted police officer and frisked and thrown in jail. The charge? Carrying concealed weapons that were permanently attached to our pelvic bones.
Our punishment? We had to apologize to all moose and horses for out “cocking” them.
Barry bonds wasn’t on roids his bat was made from stems cells from our junk which is harder than a diamond
Michael Jackson’s neverland ranch was actually name after the term for the difference in size of wang from the regular population & our wangs. That’s called neverland.
wtf