GagDragon

Archive for the ‘lolz’ Category

while discussing cock rock…

because i frequent a daycare facility twice daily and squeeze through these gossiping, yet oddly attractive, bitches – when they pop the doors on their trendy vans, which i also recently purchased, they have this shit blaring and encourage their kids to “rock out”, which i am also guilty of, but im pushing my kid onto the shit i like rather than the shit im told to like.
the guitar hero sector of the population is impinging on the awesome aspects of rock music by allowing these people to say things like “im down with buckethead” when they can only say “i cant beat that one buckethead song on hard, it’s fucking hard man”
you aint down with buckethead you fucking coooze! you played a video game, hundreds of times, that doesn’t earn you the right to align yourself with those of us who stood outside the riv in chicago for 7 hours just to hear a version of nottingham lace that would melt the skin off of a mud soaked rhinoceros, you spent your free time tapping colored buttons. you are akin to the DDR queers who big up tiesto.

WHO THE FUCK IS TIESTO??

YOU DESERVE TO WEAR A COCK ON YOUR NOSE FOR ETERNITY YOU FUCKING COCK NOSED SOCCER MOM HAVING FAGASS!

my band decided to try something new last year and cover local bands’ original songs and complete sets as a challenge to our ears and performance ability. we sent out scouts to tape record shows of bands we were opening up for, and before our opening slot dates we would cram doing all songs that that band does, originals and covers. what we thought was a pretty cool way to “give daps” ended up almost getting us killed before that bill with Ye Who Strangle Babies, turns out they will strangle anyone, regardless of age. RIP Frank Mendleson, the best 4 chord rhythm guitar player we’ve ever had.

my band once played a benefit to clean up political fundraising in our district. what was once going to be a 30 minute set turned intomy drummer agreeing to play for 5 minutes while in return he would become country commissioner on waste management, i am now under house arrest as i was convicted as an accessory to commit fraud. my drummer? his name is Scott Brown, the new senator from massachoosets

my band once toured the tiny carribbean nation of Jirihouju playing only huts constructed of the dried vines and fruit of the watanami flower. what was once touted as the tour to end all tours, actually killed three of my band mates from a combination of dengue fever, incurable herpes and lockjaw.

my band is a six piece folk outfit including walter poe on vocals, his wife Sage Poe on flute, her best friends KanDace (one name) on backing vocals and rain stick, noted mulatto Donny Weatherbrook playing acoustic guitar, legendary session musician Donald “Duck” Wilson on harmonica and percussion and DJ Lethal on the ones and twos

my band is currently helping the bands put out of work because of hurricane katrina by booking ourselves and then pulling the old bait and switch on unexpecting bar owners and having these katrina bands take our spots. everything was going great until the bands started looting from the bars they were performing in while they were playing. the worst example of this was the “tubs o heineken” who proceeded to go into lengthy instrument solos while the other members of the band stole barstools, pool table lights, full kegs and one REALLY pissed off waitress named Shirley Crumple.