GagDragon

Archive for the ‘if by ___ you mean ___’ Category

if by shave our backs, slather our necks with cream cheese, put deep fried twinkies on our shoulders as faux shoulder pads, traipse around manhattan in deck shoes and call each other “fran” or “blanche” with victorian accents and slight lisps and chronic hiccups and eye twitches you really mean conduct a routine exercise in counter-insurgency training which goes horribly awry when an unstable ion from a new experimental weapon gets loose cause massive muscle trauma to our upper torso forcing the military to rebuild us with highly suggestive bionics, then yes.

if by starting an orange julius franchise in at a mall in ronkoncamo NJ to study the mating habits of jersey teens all the while spiking their orange julii (plural for julius) with a controversial new drug designed to both increase the female libido and expose the myth of the female orgasm for what it really is, a navajo folk tale you really mean we should shave our backs, slather our necks with cream cheese, put deep fried twinkies on our shoulders as faux shoulder pads, traipse around manhattan in deck shoes and call each other “fran” or “blanche” with victorian accents and slight lisps and chronic hiccups and eye twitches then yes

if by staking out megan fox’s los angeles hair dresser’s sister’s apartment building for further proof that she is smuggling high efficiency air particular filters inside of her vagina from amsterdam and other northern european locations while posing as a nun from french lick, indiana who likes pomegranate slushies, garbage pail kids and a fine gruyere cheese, you mean starting an orange julius franchise in at a mall in ronkoncamo NJ to study the mating habits of jersey teens all the while spiking their orange julii (plural for julius) with a controversial new drug designed to both increase the female libido and expose the myth of the female orgasm for what it really is, a navajo folk tale, then yes.

if by hiring a fishboat, crew and all, to take certain connected people on deep sea fishing expeditions as a cover for a chimp fighting ring you started in downtown pensacola florida with Jon Bonham’s son and the guy that played vinnie in doogie hauser, but this chimp fighting ring has a twist because the chimps fight orphans…..to the death and one James Wilcox an orphan boy from the tampa region has been undefeated for 4 years you mean staking out megan fox’s los angeles hair dresser’s sister’s apartment building for further proof that she is smuggling high efficiency air particular filters inside of her vagina from amsterdam and other northern european locations while posing as a nun from french lick, indiana who likes pomegranate slushies, garbage pail kids and a fine gruyere cheese, then yes

if by design, construct, beta test and put onto the black market certain explosives for use in the black ops that would have bombs resemble native animals, bugs and root types where you could walk into a communist compound in zimbabwe armed with a papaya stacked with about 7 grams of C4 and as you pick up your copy of DAS GOVERNMENT ES SHIT your evil grin lets the barkeep know that you are indeed sent from the devil himself, you mean hire a fishboat, crew and all, to take certain connected people on deep sea fishing expeditions as a cover for a chimp fighting ring you started in downtown pensacola florida with Jon Bonham’s son and the guy that played vinnie in doogie hauser, but this chimp fighting ring has a twist because the chimps fight orphans…..to the death and one James Wilcox an orphan boy from the tampa region has been undefeated for 4 years then yes.

if by starting a community dance company not designed to serve disadvantaged youth in the most downtrodden sections of a country ravaged by economic collapse, drought, racism and poverty but instead to serve the children of Greenwich, CT you actually mean to design, construct, beta test and put onto the black market certain explosives for use in the black ops that would have bombs resemble native animals, bugs and root types where you could walk into a communist compound in zimbabwe armed with a papaya stacked with about 7 grams of C4 and as you pick up your copy of DAS GOVERNMENT ES SHIT your evil grin lets the barkeep know that you are indeed sent from the devil himself, then yes

if by traveling to tibet to sell pictures of chuck norris, teach people how to cabbage patch, and make random jibberish words part of the local vernacular, such as “La Raza Penis Face Cock Sandwich” as a term for frozen vegetables, you mean starting a community dance company not designed to serve disadvantaged youth in the most downtrodden sections of a country ravaged by economic collapse, drought, racism and poverty but instead to serve the children of Greenwich, CT then yes.